Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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