Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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