I can tuck mytits in my pants
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize