Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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