So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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