I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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