sarcasm needs its own font
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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