hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize