Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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