Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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