I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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