I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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