my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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