just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize