Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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