then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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