Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize