Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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