hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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