I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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