If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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