today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize