i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize