If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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