it hurts more in the daytime
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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