my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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