I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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