I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drake has all the answers
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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