if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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