Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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