Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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