I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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