i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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