I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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