Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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