I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize