please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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