It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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