I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize