I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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