I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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