no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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