I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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