I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize