he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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