her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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