We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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