so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize