I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How external is "for external use only"?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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