why didn't you poke me back
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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